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hey! hope you've been well. i haven't written in a few days. i've been kind of busy with doing nothing really. i'm back at college now, so i haven't had the motivation to do much else. i haven't made much art since either, so i'm going crazy. lately i've been playing a lot of games, which i had kind of stopped doing. i used to play videogames for hours at a time, but since i didn't have as much time i stopped doing it. i've been slacking off a little more lately, so i've had more time to throw out the window. after playing resident evil 4, instead of playing bayonetta 1 like i wanted to do i've started playing dmmd instead for some reason.
so far i'm liking it quite a lot! it has a pretty interesting story, and the characters are mostly likeable lol, i like aoba a lot. and the ui is just insane! i was so shocked by how fun it was because i had played tnc before it, and the ui in that game isn't as interactive i guess lol. i still love it though! its still so cool 13 years later. the story is super fun to get into, because its just so outrageous. the combination of regular old turf wars and virtual stupid rhyme battles is pretty cool, because they both create this weird mashup of aesthetics that mix together really well. i really like old technology being used in futuristic settings, like how old movies used to think about what the future would look like lol. it makes the game more refreshing because you're not just constantly fighting in one place, at least for me.
i think apart from aoba, my favorite character so far is either tae because shes real funny or koujaku. as soon as he said "you're walking on thin ice, pal" to noiz it just never left my mind and now i like him a lot. he sounded like a middle aged surburban man...
anyway, i've been meaning to eat a lot healthier lately, but i'm not too sure where to start. usually when i get home i'm really stressed, so i just start eating olives from the jar or random junk food, and drink the random juice in the fridge and then i eat nothing else. sometimes i'll make fried egg on toast. i've started drinking hot chocolate more instead of tea so i don't have too much caffeine when i go to bed, but i miss drinking tea. i guess i'll start by eating one vegetable every day. speaking of, i ate a potato today, so that counts. i guess i'm worrying for nothing! i have nothing else to say, so i'll stop here! thank you for reading this far. :-) please stay safe!
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hey! hope you're doing well. happy 1st of november! it'll be december in a month. shocker. i wonder when they'll start playing christmas songs on the radio. anyway, i writ a poem today. its been about 3 years since i've written one. i'm not sure why i stopped. i used to get a lot of my ideas on what to write from the songs that i was listening to, and there would be a certain melody or lyric that i would base my poem on. i like writing poems about romantic love the most. i'm not sure why! but i write about it a lot.
lovers that separate, co-dependent lovers, bitter lovers, grieving lovers, all sorts. but i like writing people that are happy together most of all! i have absolutely no real experience in poetry - i just write down whatever mood or feeling i think best suits the story i'm trying to tell, so my writing is quite bad lol. i write about nature a lot as well.
anyway, recently i've been listening to a lot of goatbed, and i love them. i've also been listening to genesiskeys a lot.
anyway, goatbed has such a unique sound and i love their music! i wanted to recommend them to my dad because i think he'd like them, but because they worked on about 100% of dramatical murder's discography i can't. literally the first thing that comes up when you look them up on youtube is dmmd's ost! the first time i ever heard their music, aoba was on the album cover and i was wondering why he was there. i was quite sad about that. i like sharing music with other people. apparently there are some songs by goatbed in slow damage as well, which is kinda cute. you can hear curriculummachine as well i think. i'm still sad about goatbed though.
i wanna play witch on the holy night! and i wanna play dmc 1! but i have to finish the book that i'm reading first. there are so many things to do in this world. its very fun. i could live for another thousand years and i bet i'd never get bored! it was quite nice outside earlier, but its darker and cloudier though. i like taking photos from my window. i'm gonna go and take one right now!
i ended up taking a picture of something else.
well, i have nothing left to say. i hope that you had a nice halloween. thank you for reading! please stay safe!
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happy halloween! are you gonna dress up? i like seeing other people's costumes. for some reason, i never dress up anymore. i really like halloween, or any sort of popular festivity. people seem to be in a much happier mood and its nice. i like sweets as well. we always get too much, so they last for a while after.
today's entry thumbnail is two creatures that i drew. i was drawing roro and it wasn't going the way that i wanted it to, so i got so sad and had to stop drawing her. i drew these guys instead. the one on the left is themed after a sunflower, and the other a strawberry.
i want to draw more interesting things. i guess thats why i'm not very happy with the things that i'm making right now. but everything'll be alright! i'll draw something that i like a lot more next time. its getting darker a lot earlier these days, isn't it? i get home around 5 or 6 every day, and its already dark by then. i like it, unless its super rainy. i hate it in the morning though, cuz i like the daytime. spring and summer are my favorite seasons, but winter is nice sometimes too. i started reading tess of the d'urbervilles, finally. i had a lot of trouble finding the energy to start it for some reason, and i ended up procrastinating and reading a pdf of the brothers karamazov instead for a while. i don't mind it actually! tess is a very sympathetic character. now i finally dont feel so behind in my class. i just heard a random bang on my wall. its getting lighter now, so i turned my light off so i can see the sky. i'm so hungry right now, so i think i might go downstairs to get breakfast then go to bed. but i'll probably just fall asleep!
lately i've been wanting to play the silver case, so i think i'll get the demo and try it out. i've heard a lot of great things about it, so i'm excited to play it! alright, i'm too tired to go on. thank you for reading! please stay safe. :-)
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hello! hope you're doing well. do you wanna see my best friend momo?
he's cute! and he's always smiling with a funny face. i wish i could look as excited as momo all the time. recently, i've been feeling like i'm being bludgeoned to death. i'm not sure why, maybe because its winter. things always got a lot worse for me when the cold hit. i really hate feeling like this, because i feel like a liability for other people, and i feel terrible about it. it sucks! i wanna do cool things and have fun! but i just feel so exhausted.
i have a vivid memory of a time when i was waiting for the school bus on a terribly cold and miserable winter day, and the world felt so grey. i was just staring at the trees, and it felt like nothing was real. the trees weren't real, my family weren't real, the sky wasn't real, the wind wasn't real. it felt like i had died, and i was just wandering around as a ghost. like a vengeful ghost lol. i was angry all of the time. sometimes i snapped back into reality and realized "wait, i'm alive", but most of the time i was just living in a world completely empty of what made it so special. its a weird feeling to try and describe. my mind was just so clouded and distant, it kinda sucked! luckily, everything from back then is quite blurry in my mind now.. i'm still alive now, and that's all that matters. rather than that super sucky memory, i try and think of christmas instead to cheer me up and look forward to winter.
i love christmas! i like seeing my family and having fun with them. we're having an early christmas this year because my grandparents are going to sri lanka around christmas time. there'll come a day that i'll see them all for the last time, and i'll have to live the rest of my life with them gone. someone that i love so much becoming a memory! what-ifs and the future drives me crazy! its so annoying. i used to think of death all of the time, so much that it scared me to death.. pun.. and i couldn't live my life normally. i thought about what it could be like to die every minute of every day, if i wasn't trying to distract myself. it terrified me so much, i'd just cry about it. how stupid is that? its out of my hands, so what am i supposed to do about it? i'll cross that bridge when i get there. i was just driving myself to hysterics for no reason.
enough of that, i'm sad now. mmm i think i'm hungry. i need a waffle. apparently you're not supposed to eat late at night for some reason, i think its because you can't metabolize your food or something. but i like eating at night because it makes me sleepy and i can go to bed easier. i said my dad could eat my big mac earlier, but i really regret it now because i'm hungry. he better have enjoyed it. i should probably go and eat my waffle before i'm too tired to go downstairs. i wanna show you something before that.
thats all. next entry won't be so negative. have a good day! :-)
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finally.. the first new diary entry! i've finally finished the new diary. i couldn't wait any longer to put it out there, so theres a bit of a juxtaposition between the main site and this new diary lol. i'll start with the main site soon! i decided to redo it again. rather than moving all of the old diary entries here, i just decided to link the old diary because i wanted to preserve it. but man, this took some serious effort. but i'm quite happy with it! it's much more pleasant on the eyes. i do miss the griminess of the older one, but i tried to stick with a mostly dark color palette again. the hardest part of this page was probably matching all of the colors! choosing a font was pretty hard as well, and positioning things... like the buttons.
its strange to think about the fact that even going back by a year, i couldn't imagine making something like this. i never would've thought that i'd get into coding. i'd always wanted to try it, but i thought that it was too hard to even attempt. even if i'm still quite amateur, i'm quite proud of myself!
anyway, if you're wondering why i'm writing so normally right now, its because i'm still in the phase of wanting this place to look presentable, so i'm trying to write as normal a possible lol. i managed to sneak the entry thumbnails back in as well! i was struggling to try and find a way to make it look good. i'm supposed to be reading tess of the d'urbervilles for my english class right now, but instead i'm doing this. maybe i should've taken computer science instead. kidding. i have to read 20 pages every day for 6 days, and then i'll be caught up with the other guy in my class who started super late. i used to read an insane amount, probably because i was so lonely. but i don't read that much anymore. the last book that i read was confessions of a mask by yukio mishima, published in 1949.
it was a nice read. very wordy and jargon-heavy though! the ending is nothing special - nothing dramatic happens or anything. ko-chan is just forced to live the rest of his life after coming to terms with being gay after rejecting the woman that loved him. he's an interesting character, sometimes in a bad way. that was more impactful for me, i guess. the book follows him throughout the different stages of his life, and how he battles with his sexuality in each one. some think that its semi-autobiographical, in which case, mishima is seriously messed up lol. the theme of violence and lust blending together is a big thing. overall, i enjoyed reading it.
i've really been wanting to write about a game that i've been playing recently, but i can't because co-founder of sillian will see it and i don't really want to explain myself. some entry thumbnails that i used are from it. i'm being silenced. well, i hope you enjoyed this pleasant surprise. feel free to email me any feedback or questions and stuff! thanks for reading!
